needs: A new year and a new teacher, reinventing my girl’s wheel.
Teachers and nurses are the angels that keep me afloat. Conveying my girl’s needs in a way that inspires support is a 2-minute MasterChef pressure test. It’s made worse because I still worry about what people think of me. I am focussed on bringing the teacher up to speed and making sure they “get it”. Sadly, that zeal can obstruct the idea that this person, could bring a new map to a well-trodden path. Each new school year holds this terror and this promise.
Sometimes I wish school was like a spin class. You strap your feet into the pedal thingys and whatever speed she barks you pedal, when she says get off the seat – you lunge forward, and when she says give it all you’ve got, you do because you know it won’t last forever. In spin, if you do what you are told, you get to the same place as everyone else. The classroom its full of other kids, all of which have their own needs, and their own parents. There is also a massive range between teachers and their approaches. How my girl survives or thrives in a classroom is dependent on the degree to which her classroom experience is tailored to her needs.
Until Year 2, my girl had been pretty happy at school and then I noticed a gradual change. It began with ripping up work at home, ripping up colouring, and not talking about school. She was happy within the family but reserved outside of it. It was subtle, it wasn’t daily or dominant. We plugged on with readers but our girl became reluctant. Then, maths became a no-go zone. Her head was hung low at drop off and we didn’t know why.
I meet with the teacher (Baroness von Schraeder) and asked for extra worksheets and was told emphatically “No”. The Baroness revealed my girl wasn’t finishing class work. She gestured to a desk which exploded with random papers. The Baroness was vindicated by the chaos- “the unfinished work must be finished in class”. All I could see was a frequent reminder to my girl that she was out of control. When was she going to finish all this work? Would she be given extra time? No. I referred to the reports that indicated she would need extra time to finish some tasks, and finishing tasks was important for her self-esteem. The Baroness rebuffed me with “What reports?”.
Fast forward to Year 3. I walked into the pre-term conference ready to read the reports aloud. I had a classroom plan, and a list of do’s and don’ts and I even had a list of answers to possible questions. I was ready to make sure my girls needs were accommodated. I was an idiot. Mary Poppins had read the reports. Mary Poppins was excited about teaching my girl. I was disarmed as she easily extinguished my concerns and suggested her own strategies. Mary Poppins had a bag of tricks.
By year 4 my girl could understand and verbalise how she was going at school. She began the year buoyantly, riding the wave established by Mary Poppins. The leap in classroom independence was a challenge but she felt important tackling those challenges herself. 6 weeks later and her language about learning changed. “What happens with the things you don’t get right? When is that going to be taught to you?”, “I’m not learning like last year”, “I’m not smart like the other kids.” Then her room and bag began to read like discontinued, unfinished ideas.
We talked about the difficulties and strategies. Our girl came up with some, we came up with some and she agreed we could talk to her teacher (Richard Simmons). Richard agreed to limited accommodations but it was clear that Richard taught one way and it wasn’t suited to our girl. I made sure Richard knew we were prepared to support in any way and we bought a device at his suggestion. Then, we took a step back. We worked out a way to fill her gaps at home. We helped her in a way that was tailored to her needs. Our girl grew to see that if she wasn’t going to keep up in class, she could follow up at home.
My girl has had teachers she has thrived with and teachers she has survived. As a kid with medical and learning needs, she needs a tailored approach to learning. When learning is pushed forward without regard to her needs, the impact is lasting, and not in a good way. When learning is nurtured around her needs, the impact is a lasting, dazzling gift. Working between the gap is my wheel house.
means: Roadmap for coping with a new teacher
Start: Before term starts, we set up a learning jar. If there is something difficult at school, she writes in on a card and posts it in the jar. She has somewhere to put her worries and I have a reminder of what needs to be addressed, discussed or fixed.
Stop 1: If she needs 100 hits for a new concept, and her teacher is only able to give 5 hits, then it is up to me to find the other 95 hits. It is not all on the teacher, even if a report suggests it is. Those 95 hits can be divided between my beloved, YouTube, tutoring, grandparents, art, audio and me.
Stop 2: Try for a pre-term meeting at the start of the year. This way I can set a good foundation for testing, desk allocation and adopt any approaches or suggestions the new teacher may have. An early meeting gives me a quick view of the degree of differentiation in the classroom and access to the timetable to help schedule appointments.
Stop 3: I give them a copy of the personal profile, that highlights the reports AND a copy of the reports by email with a “greatest hits” 3-line summary. (For personal profile see post SCHOOL: Relief and specialist teachers)
Stop 4: Get across the classroom. I work out how it is set up, where is the desk, where are the books and the pencils, where is the heat and the light. Simple accommodations here have a huge impact on my girl’s function.
Stop 5: I ascertain if there are any school programs and if the teacher will support them being made available for my girl. This is where a helpful letter from a specialist comes in handy. If I spread some hits between the teacher and another program, there are less hits for me to pick up.
Detour: When there is a blip, I sort it the next day. I have learnt to give myself and the teacher some time to reflect. I don’t send an email in hufflepuff (anymore). I don’t poke my stress monkey in front of my dudes. This blip might be a growth point and may change things for the better.
Golden Rules
- Communicate with the teacher in the way that reaches them, be kind and give them rewards.
- Communicate with my kids in the way that reaches them, be kind and give them rewards.
- Communicate with myself in the way that reaches me, be kind and give myself rewards.
PS. Don’t you just love the Baroness? Her clothes, her imaginary food baby after the schnitz, her standing up for her love rights….If you need a laugh google Baroness von Schrader. There are some beautiful blog posts in defence of her.
