needs: Hospital and why I use Facebook (it’s not you, it’s me.)
When she is in hospital, I have bandwidth for her, my dude and my beloved. After those three people, the next in line goes something like this: The Consultant Dr who is treating her, and there are usually a couple of consultants if she is presenting with a medical mystery. Each consultant has an underling who does most of the question asking and is more available for answers, and there is sometimes a baby doctor under the underling.
Somewhere between the Underling and the Consultant is the Nurse actually looking after my girl. I get to see her the most, she takes the Obs, knows where the tea and coffee can be found and holds the pain relief. From time to time, the people coming to take blood, or to wheel my girl away for imaging or bring her food or juice get a special access all areas visa to jump the queue. Then there are all the techs who administer the machines that divine why we are there.
Beyond that, I don’t really register other people. Beyond that, I don’t have a grasp of what other people need to know. Beyond that, if someone calls me it only registers as an interruption.
This doesn’t stop the queue. Family and close friends. The friends of my dudes and their families. The longer we are in hospital, the longer list grows. School, coaches and anyone else whose class we are missing. It’s a wide web of love and hope and kindness.
We are only ever at the hospital because something is so wrong that she needs help. If you don’t have clean undies, a toothbrush, dinner for my beloved, pick up my other dude from school, or send a balloon or flower to the hospital, it doesn’t register with me.
It’s not you, it’s me, scratching about for the means to meet her needs. In this case, a Facebook post meets those needs.
means: My Facebook post in 6 steps:
- If she is admitted, then I put something on my Facebook and switch my phone to silent.
- I always keep the post upbeat because we don’t think about the worst, ever.
- I convey the details she has consented to and I am comfortable with. If its vague, then its vague. People get the details we can handle giving out.
- I confirm we are not going to show up for any plans we may have.
- I ask that people refrain from contacting my beloved, while I am carrying her, he carries my dude and our whole world.
- I post a photo of her strong and smiling.
What we do when someone else is in hospital:
We leave a gift, flowers, teddy, a card. No visit, just something to make them happy. A well-timed gift has got her through many a blood test or shitty test result.
We buy coffees or donuts for the ward nurses from the family.
We make a meal for home or if its far away we email an uber eats voucher. Supporting the support team is huge.
We send an email or text late outside of peak hospital hours, to let them know we are there for them, we offer unconditional help, we make ourselves available, we ask to be the means.