needs: Hospital and bridging the family
The early trips to hospital are part of our family folklore and as the years have passed, we have watched our two kids unpack all the things that happened when they were apart. Hospital stays split our family in two. When she fractured her neck, playing the dodgeball the sport of champions, he was dropped at family friends who cared for him as their own. By day 3 on the spinal ward, I noticed he had grown an arm extension always carrying family contraband, a golden arches caramel sundae. He is a kid who knows which machine makes the good hot chocolate where the good blankets are on the ward, how to fit nicely behind a chair or under a bed during Rounds. And for those early hospital visits he was the kid of never-ending sleepovers and missed school. Work demands and general shock helped my beloved accept the kindness of friends to adopt our boy, but as the hospital stays continued, my boy became agitated, the calls more insistent on the details about his sister and the visits less frequent. It was clear he was struggling with the intrusion into his childhood. What was originally hanging out with friends, had begun to feel like being left behind.
We were doing a drive into ED. He was quietly sitting in the back seat asking if she was ok. I was driving, calling my beloved, making plans to meet up when he said clearly, determinedly, I’m not going anywhere. We took a beat- he wasn’t, he was going to stay with me until my beloved would come and then they would go home together.
Later, much later on the ward, he asleep in my arms, her finally asleep in the bed we were whispering plans, where he would be dropped off and what time my beloved would call in the next day, when a little hand pulled on mine and whispered “I don’t want to leave the family”.
means: How we keep our family together
We give them time together without us. They are siblings and need to speak their secret language. And we the parents need to step out so I can update my beloved on the next steps for our girl.
We have family dinner. If she is well enough, our boy chooses the take out and they bring it in, and we eat dinner around the bed as a family.
After dinner, I take him to the family shower and he has a shower while we unpack his school day and his feelings. They squish in her bed, in their pj’s and watch tv while we catch up.
It’s a late night, and its not easy for my beloved to work and visit each night but it’s the way we keep our family together.
